TCPCO

We were somewhere around National Park, on the edge of the forest, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like:
"I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should drive."
Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full of what looked like huge Zubats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, and a voice was screaming:
"Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals?"
I believe it was my own. I began swatting the air.
"Huh! Huh! Huh! Fucking pigs."
"GENGAR" my trusty Gengar bellowed. Only 5 years old. The poor thing. Raised him myself since he was lowly Ghastly. 
"Hm? Never mind. It's your turn to drive."
No point in mentioning these Zubats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough.

 

We had two bags of Miracle Seed, seventy-five pellets of Pokeblocks, five sheets of high-powered Full Restore, a saltshaker half-full of X Accuracy, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored Koffings, Weezings, Jigglypuffs, Sudowoodos... Also, a quart of Protein, a quart of Calcium, a case of Burn Heal, a pint of raw Elixir, and two dozen Lavacookies. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the Max Ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an Max Ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.

"Listen. Gengar. When we finally get to the devil's pitchfork, I want you to go to the trunk, open my case, and grab as many fuzzy wurmple as you can and bury it. No doubt the sheriff is gonna have a few questions if we slip on by with the prize. Got me?" "Gengar"
I opened the CD tray from my convertible and took the disc out.
"Yes exactly my friend. You are the only one I trust. Here, this should be of some help. It's TM 28. It contains Dig."
"Gengar?"
Of course now I know it wasn't TM 28. In fact, it was my favorite Frank Sinatra collection. Also, I wouldn't exactly think Dig would be such a great move around these parts. This is Zubat country after all.

It wasn't long before we were pursued. Didn't these policewomen know that dark is super effective against ghost?
There's a reason they call dark the evil type. 
 

Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop's heart. Make the bastard chase you. She will follow. But she won't know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let her know you're pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take her a moment to realize that she's about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the g's, and fast high-jump kick work. 

 

I pulled over, pretending I had a flat tire. Hunched over the side of my car, I decided I was going to pretend to be interested with the inner workings of my exhaust. Ever so slyly, I reached into my pocket and inserted my lucky Kelpsie berry into the pipe. Soon, sounds of high heels were fast approaching.
"Mmmmm nope. Nothing wrong here. Nope."

My shoes buckled and I got to my feet once more. Trying not to make eye contact with this woman hunched over me. However, as though in a trance, I followed her eyes anyway.
"What's the score here officer?"
"You were doing a little swerving back there."
"No." I said "No, no of course not. You see i'm expecting."
"Expecting what sir?"
"My wife is having kids, aren't you dear?"
Gengar bellowed like he practiced. Good boy.
"You see? Triplets. Poor bitch. Now, leave us. Can't you see that some asshole put a berry in my exhaust?"
"Sir."
"Shhh not now."
"SIR!"
"What?"
"May I see some identification?"
"Uhhh." I reached for my wallet which wasn't there. "Uuuuuuuuhh, hang on."
I turned towards the convertable and quickly jumped over Gengar like some quick brown Vulpix. "Is this what you need?" I said.
"Stay put, I'll be right back." The copper trotted back to her vehicle which gave me some time to think. I was never the type to get into trouble and admit it, but now I think I should fake something else before she finds the cause of my recklessness. Either way I was fucked.
"Sir y-"
"I know, I'm guilty. I understand that. I knew it was a crime. I did it anyway. Shit, why argue? I'm a fucking criminal. Look at me."
"Actually, I need to go. Aren't you just the luckiest guy ever? Stay safe sir and uh, work on your excuses." And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of old and evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Goldenrod City and look west, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back. In this instance however, the wave was a young beautiful woman with luscious breasts the size of large Electrode. 

 

TO BE CONTINUED